Saturday, January 17, 2015

Back in the Saddle Again

It's hard to know where to start after a nearly three-year hiatus.  Life got really busy there for a while, and I realized that I don't like blogging about things I haven't figured out yet.  I plan to talk about it all someday, but the short version is that my kids and my marriage needed absolutely all of my attention.  We find ourselves in a different season of life these days, so different that we even decided to have another baby.  I'm nine weeks and four days pregnant today(11 weeks 4 days if you count like the doctors), and I want to start keeping some records about this pregnancy.  It's been so different from my pregnancies with the boys in every possible way, and I want to remember.

First and foremost, we planned this pregnancy.  Aaron has always wanted at least four kids, but after having the boys I honestly felt like I could never do it again.  Not the pregnancy or birth part, the intensity part.  I felt like kind of a wimp sometimes, but then people(including my sisters) would tell me that my oldest child was more work than all five of their children put together, and I found that reassuring.  I didn't stress or agonize over having "only" two kids, because our days were so full-on all the time that there really wasn't room for anything else.  I felt like I was living on the front lines and I could only deal with what was in front of me right that minute, and the idea of taking on more of anything seemed absolutely impossible.  In the words of Jim Gaffigan, "just imagine you're drowning, and then someone hands you a baby."

Well, I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore.  I spent a lot of time figuring out what Jack needed to flourish, and while it literally took years of appointments and therapies and trial-and-error, we finally have a protocol more or less dialed in for him and I'm thrilled to report that he's doing a pretty good job of winning at life.  As things started improving for Jack and we were able to lower the DEFCON level of daily life, Aaron and I started talking about the possibility of another baby.  I kept thinking that if we ever had another baby, I would wait until I really really wanted one.  So we talked about it and I waited for Baby Fever to strike, and I even considered becoming a doula because I like supporting women and babies so much, but I kept waiting and no Baby Fever was forthcoming.  I still don't have it, and that's okay.  I'm just not a Baby Fever person.

What I do have is a desire for a bigger family, and there's no getting around the fact that to have a bigger family, you have to make some babies.  I don't regret the break.  Jack will be 10 and Matteas will be a few weeks shy of 8 by the time this baby is born, which is a pretty big gap.  I can't imagine going through what we've been through the past few years with a baby to take care of, and a pregnancy at almost any other time would have felt really overwhelming.  Now, I feel prepared and happy.  Joyful.  I did not feel like that with my first two pregnancies, and even though I love my boys more than anything in life, I'm so grateful for the opportunity to experience such a well-supported pregnancy this time around.  I had to skip a lot of the fun stuff with my first pregnancy, and this feels kind of like a do-over only better because now I'm older and wiser.  I've been buying myself cozy sweaters and leggings, taking naps when I need them, appreciating the fact that Aaron does the dishes every night, and taking long baths while reading pregnancy magazines(which, by the way, have vastly improved in the eight years since I've been pregnant).  With the recent and miraculous addition of Diclegis to my self-care regimen, I'm not even nauseated anymore.  Sleepy, but not nauseous.

So that's where life is at right now.  I have my first appointment with my midwives on Monday, which is one of my favorite parts of being pregnant.  Very soon I hope to have a more substantial baby bump, so that I actually look pregnant and not like I have a tiny beer belly.  People get more excited about baby bumps than beer bellies.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Recap

 This Fourth of July, we took the boys to a firework show.  They loved it.
 I also took them swimming at the same beach I went to almost every day of the summer when I was their age.  It smells exactly the same.
 We ate meat on sticks.
 I said goodbye to the family that's lived next door to my parents for 18 years.  They are good people.
 We had Sibling Brunch, which is sometimes Sibling Dinner instead. 
 We met our friends' beautiful son.
 We went to a wedding.
And Matteas turned five, which is old enough to light your own candle.  I'm glad there is a little Summer left to fill with barbecues, cocktails, and fans in the windows.  I'm not ready for Fall.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Crazy-ass Diet, Challenge: Eggs

 Well, I made it: fourteen days without wheat, corn, dairy, eggs, caffeine, alcohol, yeast, soy, or citrus.  I didn't cheat; not once, not even a little.  Today when I woke up and realized that today is the day I get to do a food challenge, I immediately decided I wanted to make muffins. 

Making muffins without wheat can be tricky, and making muffins without wheat or eggs is damn near impossible.  Avoiding dairy is the easy part, as coconut oil can be used in baked goods instead of butter with a fair amount of reliability.  So this morning I made a batch of muffins with grated apples, lots of cinnamon and nutmeg, and some pretty stinking delicious honey coconut spread.  Maybe it's my deprived taste buds being easily stimulated by any amount of sugar, but to me these were the perfect breakfast muffin: not too sweet, hearty but not heavy.  The boys loved them.  If you leave out the brown sugar topping, these muffins are SCD compliant.

Almond and Apple Muffins with Honey Coconut 'Butter'

2 1/2 cups almond flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
3 eggs
1/3 cup apple sauce
1 tsp. vanilla
1/3 cup coconut oil, melted and cooled slightly
1/4 honey
2 apples, grated
Brown sugar for sprinkling(optional)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and line a muffin pan with muffin papers.

In a large bowl, combine the almond flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg and whisk until well blended.

In a small mixing bowl, whisk the eggs well.  Add the apple sauce, vanilla, coconut oil, honey and grated apples.  Add egg mixture to almond flour mixture and mix until thoroughly blended.  Divide between twelve muffin papers.  If using, sprinkle a few pinches of brown sugar over the top of each muffin.

Bake for 20 minutes, until tops are golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.  Let the muffins cool at least five minutes before serving.

Honey Coconut 'Butter'

1 TBS coconut oil, melted
2 tsp. honey
Pinch of sea salt

Blend all ingredients and season to taste.  I like it salty.  You can use it warm, but it takes on a buttery texture if you let it cool to room temperature.  Store any leftovers in the fridge in a sealed contained.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Crazy-ass Diet, Day 6

I'm super excited to be on day six of this experiment, because tomorrow that means I'm halfway through the hardest part!  I'm already planning carefully what recipes I want to use for my challenges, which can be kind of tricky because you have to isolate a single potential allergen.  For example, you can't use bread for a wheat challenge because it also contains yeast.  During an egg challenge, you can't cook scrambled eggs in butter because then you'd be introducing dairy as well.  Aaron mentioned looking forward to Caprese salad last night, and I find myself fantasizing about the texture of mozzarella.  So milky and smooth...

Aside from coffee, what I miss the most on this diet is variety of texture.  Nuts and raw vegetables have a different kind of crunch than the shattering kind of crunch you get from biting into a tortilla chip or a crouton; six days of meat and lettuce and you really start to notice. 

Yesterday my energy level was really feeling the lack of complex carbohydrates and I really wanted to work in the garden, so I made some roasted sweet potatoes to go with my lunch.  While I was at it I roasted a second chicken breast to save for later; I can't emphasize enough the importance of having ready-made protein on hand while doing this kind of diet.  It would be easy to fail simply out of desperation, so if you're trying something like this make sure you have plenty of food on hand that you can actually eat.



Oven Roasted Chicken and Sweet Potatoes
1 bone-in skin-on chicken breast
1 medium or two small sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tsp. fresh rosemary, minced
Olive oil
Salt and pepper

Preheat the oven to 400. 

Toss the sweet potatoes with a good drizzle of olive oil, salt and pepper, and half the garlic and rosemary.  Arrange flat in a roasting pan large enough to accomodate all the potatoes and the chicken breast without crowding. 

Place the chicken breast, skin side up, in the pan with the potatoes and season with olive oil, salt and pepper, and the rest of the garlic and rosemary. 

Roast everything together for 30-40 minutes, until the chicken breast registers 160 degrees on an instant-read theremometer.  If the potatoes need longer, remove the chicken to a plate and cover gently with foil.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Crazy-ass Diet, Day 2

 I thought the hardest part of this diet would be giving up coffee, and I was right.  I've never been a morning person, but now they just seem downright pointless; something to get through in order to get to something better, like lunch.  It's been super tricky trying to come up with things that both Jack and I can eat so that I'm not making two separate dishes for every single meal, and although coconut aminos aren't SCD legal I'm cutting corners a tiny bit so I don't go crazy.  I served this chicken to the boys with cucumbers and clementines on the side, and put it into a salad for me.  It was so good, I ate it for lunch two days in a row and will probably have it again today.  It tastes like a really light spring roll.




Honey Teriyaki Chicken

Four boneless, skinless chicken thighs, sliced into 1" thick strips
1 tsp. fresh ginger, grated
2 tsp. coconut aminos
1 tsp. honey
1 clove garlic, minced
Oil for pan

Drizzle a large non-stick frying pan with a little oil over medium-high heat.  Use a pan large enough that the chicken won't crowd, or it will steam and not brown nicely.

When the chicken is brown on one side, turn the strips over, add the grated ginger and cook until chicken is almost cooked through. 

Add the coconut aminos and honey and stir to coat the chicken, then let it cook without moving it around for a few minutes so the honey caramelizes a little. 

When the chicken is cooked through, add the garlic and cook for 30-40 seconds, stirring constantly so the garlic doesn't burn.

Serve over mixed greens with sliced cucumber, carrots, chopped cilantro and green onion or chives, and toss with rice wine vinaigrette.  If you're not on a crazy-ass elimination diet, squeeze a wedge of lime over the top.  Bean sprouts would also be delicious.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Here We Go




We are now fully embarked on our search for food allergies/the source of Jack's abdominal discomfort.  For Jack, I decided to put him on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet because he's had stomach upset and digestive problems(read: diarrhea) for the past four weeks.  You can read more about his diet here if you're interested, but the short of it is that it eliminates all sugar and starch except for honey and fruit.  No grains, potatoes, corn, or milk(aged cheese and clarified butter are okay).  It's challenging to feed a growing boy this way, but we're learning and after only a few days we're seeing an improvement in his digestion(read: less diarrhea). 

I'm doing a more severe version of the diet, as I suspect that I might be allergic to eggs and dairy. Today was meant to be my first day without coffee, but Aaron and I went out for cocktails last night and I'm such a light weight when it comes to alcohol that after two drinks I need a little help waking up this morning. Avoiding caffeine had better do wonders for my PMS, because I have serious concerns about my coping abilities sans caffeine and dairy. I have a plan, which I'm calling Alternative Pleasures. Coffee is what gets me out of bed in the morning, and not much happens in our day until I'm well into my second cup of piping hot legal drugs laced with half and half. I've been through enough dietary changes to know that I'm going to need a way to replace not just the foods I used to eat, but the pleasure I derived from them. Coffee was my way of front-loading my day with pleasure, and starting tomorrow that will be gone. I imagine I'll get up tomorrow morning and sit on the couch, holding an empty mug that is slowly being filled my tears. I don't handle deprivation well.

That's where Alternative Pleasures comes in. I'm going to start planning bribes for myself, like buying myself a novel(fiction even!) or new art supplies, something that will inspire me to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. Really, nothing motivates me quite like coffee, so I'm not sure how this is going to go. Also, I might not have any extra cash for things like books and paints because I'm currently giving all of my money to Whole Foods. I'm also not very good at the whole wait-and-see approach to healing, mostly because it's hard not to be able to offer my son instant relief but also because I don't want all this effort and expense to be for nothing(read: ongoing diarrhea).

So just what are we eating? The short answer is meat, fruit and vegetables with the occasional almond meal confection. I had thought that I would come up with all kinds of crazy recipes during this experiment, but it feels kind of fraudulent to call something a recipe that is really just "eating these foods at the same time."

We have, however, stumbled upon some easy combinations that both boys love which are precious to me because we're doing this diet as a family.  Food is about so much more than just eating, and I don't want Jack to feel isolated in his deprivation.  So we all eat our cheeseburgers with a knife and fork instead of a bun, any bread in the house has been banished to the freezer, and I make one Specific Carbohydrate compliant dinner for everyone to share. 

So far, the biggest challenge has been breakfast.  Jack wakes up hungry, and doesn't like eggs first thing in the morning.  His breakfasts now alternate between a banana with peanut butter, and homemade Lara Bars. 
 
These are just equal parts nuts(almonds, cashews, pecans, or any combination) and dates, sometimes with other flavors(cinnamon, ginger) added.  So far, Jack's favorite is almond and peanut butter.  The resulting paste needs to be refrigerated in order to make cutting it into a bar shape, so I usually resort to rolling them into balls.  In either ball or bar form, there is no way around the final product looking like poop.  Embrace your inner toddler.

Homemade Lara Bars

1 cup toasted almonds
1 cup pitted dates
1/4-1/3 cup peanut butter(optional)
Pinch of salt

After the nuts have cooled, pulse them briefly in a food processor fitted with a blade attachment.  You don't want to turn them into nut butter, so pulse in small bursts until you get a consistency you like.  Remove the chopped nuts to a mixing bowl.

Blend the dates, salt and peanut butter in the food processor until a chunky paste forms.  Add the date paste to the chopped nuts, mix with your hands, and form into balls.

Monday, April 23, 2012

A Preview

We are on the verge of some changes around here, changes which I anticipate will be challenging but will hopefully result in the improved health and well-being of our whole family. 
 It is becoming more and more evident to me that my family doesn't digest grains well, and I find this both limiting and challenging my cooking skills.  I feel a lot of gratitude for the timeline of events which has led to the gradual eradication of grains from my pantry, because too much change all at once is overwhelming.  I'm also grateful that we met success early on, completely healing first Jack's skin and now his chronic migraines by removing wheat from his diet.  I know this stuff works.  I believe that what we put in our bodies matters, that it is not magically and invisibly transformed into our skin, our hair, our blood pressure, our energy levels.  I have experienced first-hand that changing your food can change your life, and so it is with a lot of optimism and a healthy dose of determination that we embark on the next phase of what my friend Josh calls a 'crazy hippie diet.'
Josh was my best friend growing up.  We were both eleven years old when his family moved into the house next door, and we saw each other almost every day.  He would come home from school and play basketball in his backyard, and as soon as I heard the familiar thud-and-swish of his playing I would drape myself over the back fence and we'd talk.  One of our fantasies was to become millionaires by inventing something genius, something that would revolutionize the way an ordinary task was done because then everyone would want it.  Our plan was to get rich and then move to Polynesia, where we imagined we could be free of the stresses of school and parents and adolescence.

In high school, Josh was diagnosed with Crohn's disease.  At first, his doctors tried to manage his disease through medication and for a number of years it kind of worked, but more recently Josh and his wife have changed the way they eat in order to heal Josh's body from the inside.  As fate would have it, Josh's style of eating overlaps with a lot of the changes I've already begun implementing.  Through the blogging world I was introduced to Roost, and was affirmed in my belief that healthy, healing eating doesn't have to feel like restricted eating. 

Now I'm going to take things a bit further, as Jack and I are about to embark on an elimination diet.  Jack suffers from periodic tummy trouble, and I've recently begun to suspect that he has Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome.  I feel kind of devastated by this possibility, as we've only recently experienced what life can be like without five migraines a week; however, I also feel quietly determined.  The last time my first-born suffered debilitating symptoms, the remedy was in my kitchen.  I feel hopeful about trying again, making more changes, finding some answers. 

Over the next few weeks, Jack and I will be eliminating all grains, dairy, eggs, yeast, citrus, corn, soy, caffeine, and alcohol(more me than Jack) from what we eat.  After two weeks of eliminating those foods, we will then re-introduce one food at a time in large doses(three servings a day for three days in a row) in the hopes that there will be some kind of reaction.  I say that I'm hopeful for a reaction because that would give me a way to control Jack's discomfort through food, which is my favorite way to fix everything.  More importantly, it would give me a way to control Jack's discomfort, period.  The last time I tried working with doctors about his migraines, the discussion involved putting Jack on anti-depressants.  Not satisfied with that 'solution,' I turned to food and chiropractic care with great success.

While healing my own child is incentive enough, I couldn't help but remember my thirteen year-old ambitions to come up with a genius invention that would make me and Josh rich and famous.  My ambitions are a little different now, fame and fortune having been replaced by the desire to feed the ones I love well.  I bought a blank recipe book and will be taking careful notes about everything Jack and I eat, and my hope is that this little experiment will evolve into something that might benefit people beyond my own kitchen table.  I know how daunting it feels to consider making radical changes in the way we eat, and I remember feeling that for all of my experience, suddenly I no longer knew how to cook.  I know now that there is a way through that, and that there are two ways to see this: I can see it as something being taken away from me, or I can see it as an opportunity to get to know food in ways I have not yet imagined.  I know there will be times when it will feel like both.

Jack and I are both in the thick of nasty colds, so we won't be starting just yet.  I'm thinking the first of May seems like an appropriate day, and in the meantime I'm collecting ideas and testing new ingredients.  Those waffles up there?  Grain-free.  They do, however, contain eggs and there is quite obviously whipped cream on top, but I'm already coming up with ways around that.  I've been sneaking more honey and less sugar into the boys' meals to acclimate their taste buds, and so far it's going well.  Poor Jack is motivated to try anything if it will give him some relief.  I'll write more on the science behind the changes we're making, but right now my head is so full of congested nastiness that a discussion on monosaccharides vs. polysaccharides seems totally incomprehensible.  I just wanted to write an introduction of sorts by way of a preview of things to come, and also to get back into the habit of blogging which I hope will provide both accountability and community. 

Stay tuned.